Alya’s Story: Finding Strength, Support and Time for Myself

“For so long, my life revolved around caring for my children. I didn’t realise how much I needed someone to listen to me, too.”

My name is Alya, I’m 55 years old, and I’m a proud mum to two children, who both have learning disabilities.

Being their mum is the most important part of my life, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. But being a full-time Carer comes with challenges that people don’t always see or understand.

Every day revolves around making sure my children have everything they need. From medical appointments and therapy sessions to supporting their education and managing everyday routines, there is always something that needs my attention.

I love my children dearly and want them to have every opportunity to live happy, fulfilling lives. But sometimes, in trying to make sure they’re okay, I forget about myself.

Feeling Like I’d Lost a Part of Myself

Over the years, caring has taken its toll on my emotional wellbeing.

There have been times when I’ve felt completely overwhelmed. I don’t have a large support network, and finding time to meet friends or do something for myself has always been difficult.

Sometimes it feels as though everyone else is getting on with their lives while mine revolves around appointments, responsibilities and worrying about the future.

Money has also been a constant worry. My caring responsibilities make it difficult to work, and the financial pressure adds another layer of stress.

One of my biggest challenges has been making sure my children receive the right educational support. Navigating services, understanding what help is available and speaking up for their needs can be exhausting.

I have always tried to stay strong for my children, but there were moments when I felt very alone.

Having Someone Who Listened Made All the Difference

Things began to change when I started receiving support from Dudley’s Adult Carers Wellbeing Service.

For the first time in a long while, I felt I had someone who genuinely wanted to know how I was doing.

Through regular conversations and check-ins with my Carer Adviser, I was able to talk openly about my worries, frustrations and feelings without being judged.

I didn’t feel that I had to put on a brave face or pretend everything was fine.

My Adviser listened, reassured me and helped me recognise just how much I was already doing for my children.

I was also given practical information about support groups, financial assistance and services that could help with my children’s needs.

Having someone guide me through the options made things feel less overwhelming.

Learning That Looking After Myself Matters Too

One of the most valuable things I’ve learnt is that taking care of myself isn’t selfish.

My Carer Adviser introduced me to simple ways of managing stress, including breathing exercises, mindfulness and writing down my thoughts.

At first, finding even a few minutes for myself felt difficult. But gradually, I started making small changes.

I began to understand that I couldn’t keep pouring all my energy into caring without giving myself time to recharge.

I was also encouraged to attend a women’s wellbeing group, where I could meet other women, including those who understood the challenges of caring.

Being around people who could relate to my experiences made such a difference.

It reminded me that I wasn’t alone and that there were people I could turn to for encouragement, advice and friendship.

Sometimes, just having a conversation with someone who understands is enough to make a difficult day feel a little easier.

Finding My Confidence Again

Since receiving support, I’ve noticed a real difference in how I feel.

Of course, my caring responsibilities haven’t disappeared, and there are still difficult days. But I feel better equipped to manage them.

I’ve learnt ways to cope with stress, I’m more aware of the support available, and I feel more confident speaking up for my children’s needs.

Most importantly, I’ve started to recognise that my own wellbeing matters just as much as everyone else’s.

I’m still a mum and a Carer, but I’m also Alya. I have feelings, needs and hopes of my own.

Having someone recognise that has helped me find a little more balance in my life.

My Message to Other Carers

If there’s one thing I’d say to other Carers, it’s that you don’t have to do everything on your own.

It’s easy to become so focused on looking after the people you love that you forget you need support too.

Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re not coping or that you’re not doing enough. Sometimes, having someone listen, offer encouragement or point you towards the right support can make all the difference.

I’m proud of the care I give my children, and I always will be. But I’m also learning to be kinder to myself.

“Caring for my children will always be part of who I am, but I’ve learnt that I matter too. Having someone listen and understand has helped me feel stronger, more confident and less alone.”

Information and Support

Find out how Dudley’s Adult Carers Wellbeing Service provides targeted, preventative support to Carers aged 18 and above, including Young Adult Carers.

* (Alya’s name and image have been changed to protect his anonymity).